I am really thinking of changing the name of the blog to
the GOOD, the BAD and the UGLY
It seems like here lately that has been my day. A little good, a little bad and a little ugly. So lets review today.
The GOOD -
Today is our 15 year anniversary. I am married to my best friend. Read more about that here. I have a great little family. I am serving my Lord in Japan.
The BAD -
I have been homesick. I am really missing my family.
The UGLY -
I cried at Kumon* today. Not just a few tears but big ugly boo-hoo, make-up running, can't catch my breath crying. I am not proud, in fact I am embarrassed. I am pretty sure I scared the little old lady who was trying to teach me. I had high hopes for today. I was excited about going to class. I had done my homework, all 30 pages of it. I had been practicing my vocabulary words. I had even made flash cards. I had listened to my CD every day and repeated the words just like they said. I was ready for class ~ or so I thought.
The class started off on the wrong foot.
She asked if I had my pencil.
Me - "YES!" grabbed a pen from my purse.
Her - "No! Pencil, pencil."
Me - "No pencil. I only have a pen."
Her - hands me a pencil, "Next time pencil"
Me - "OK" I look at Mike. He didn't tell me it HAD to be a pencil.
A few minutes later
Her - "CD?"
Me - "No" I look at Mike again. He didn't tell me to bring the CD to class.
Her - "Sigh" She heads off to find a copy of the CD.
Her - "CD next time"
Me - "Yes ma'am"
After listening to the CD she asked me to read what was on the paper. As I began to speak, she began to cringe. She would stop me and have me repeat after her. After the fourth time trying to say this simple sentence, a tear began to roll down my cheek. In my mind I was thinking, "I am never going to be able to speak Japanese." As I tried again and failed again, another tear. She asked if I was OK. And then the flood gates were opened and down came the tears. I felt like a big failure. First I can't speak Japanese and second I am crying like a baby. She comforted me and sent me to the computer to review the alphabet. After Mike had finished his lessons, we head out the door. Mike said, "What just happened in there? What was that all about?" and then the tears fell again. Mike hugged me, assured me it was all going to be OK. In my mind I am still having doubts. I just don't know if I can change my good ole' Texas, Southern accent into something that sounds like Japanese.
The BEST -
When we got home I had a card waiting for me. It was from my Japanese friend.
Thank you Lord for the reminder . . .
of why I will learn Japanese.
Thank you Lord for loving me, knowing what I need and encouraging me!
*Kumon is the language school we attend.
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ReplyDeleteas long as you try sweetie - as long as you try - you may never perfect speaking the language - heck we can't perfect english - lol but you will be fine simply trying to speak, read, write and understanding the language - and when your teacher comes to visit texas... we'll try not to cringe! hugs sweetie -
ReplyDeleteOK - friend, have to admit I was a bit teary eyed by the time I finished reading this entry. Can we agree on at least a couple things:
ReplyDelete1. You are a terrific writer!! and someday I know you will be blogging in Japanese also!
2. No one is good at everything and certainly not good right away.
Remember that Mike has had a bit of a head start because has been focusing on Japanese for a long time, while you've been busy keeping the house clean, children fed and educated.
Keep working at it - don't give up. I have a 'funny' quote from the movie The Outlaw Josey Wales - funny if you apply it here:
"Now remember, when things look bad and it looks like you're not gonna make it, then you gotta get mean. I mean plumb, mad-dog mean. 'Cause if you lose your head and you give up then you neither live nor win. That's just the way it is."
Don't 'get mean' but do stay determined - or mean, if you really have to. Love you and praying for you!